In today's Spark, I'm sharing five practices for extending grace to the people in our lives.
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All I can say is, “Oh my gosh!” How timely, after writing an email and venting to another about great aggravation having to do with a few other people in my life!! OK, I see your point and feel convicted, so now, I must get past the aggravation in order to accept these people for where they are and yes, I see their same faults in myself. Holy cow, what a lot to digest! Thanks, girl!
So glad this resonated for you, Mom. Go easy on yourself. This is an issue for all of us. Baby steps!
And speaking of Babies.……congratulations to you and Charlie from me and Nettie Lou!! We are so happy for you and hope you are feeling really well… Still missing you! luv, Sarah and Nettie
Aw! SO nice to hear from you two! Thank you! We’re so very excited. I’m nearing 32 weeks and feeling great. Love to you both! xoxoxo
Love love love LOVE! It’s funny…I recognize that I am at different levels of being able to offer grace with different people in my life. I’m glad #5 is an option…especially the way you describe it…it really is for the other person as much as it is for me.
KCLAnderson (Karen)´s last [type] ..An Ode To Real Women
AMEN for #5, right? hahahaha!
Dear Joy!
How timely — what a great reminder of the person that I choose to be. I thank you for sharing your 5 points of offering grace.
I appreciate you,
Connie
Connie Wood´s last [type] ..[Monday Morning Spark] Offering Grace to Others
My pleasure, sweet Connie! Love to you!
Thanks Joy, this was awesome — I have chosen option 5 on occasions and always felt so bad about it (even though it’s seemed like the final straw option), especially because of who the people were, so it’s good to be able to re-frame it and know that it’s not just about me, but about the other person too, that this can indeed be a step of grace.
Yay for the reframe, Jo! xoxo
Love this Spark, Joy. I started on a similar journey after reading a Martha Beck (I think) article where she suggested finding out what would happen if you stopped complaining and criticizing. Pretty eye-opening! I had to do a lot of tongue-biting for several weeks (OK, months)–I’d had no idea how much complaining/criticizing I was doing until I tried to stop. I noticed too (once I wasn’t doing it so often) that it felt icky afterwards when I didn’t catch myself in time to stop. That’s been a help in keeping this practice going. I hadn’t thought of it as offering grace to others, though: thanks for putting such a lovely spin on it.
Oh, wow, I BET that was eye opening! I find so much of our social interaction is built on criticism of others — and I fully admit to playing right along and even starting the ball rolling at times. I can imagine that stopping the complaints/criticisms cold turkey (or even attempting to do so) would bring up all sorts of interesting dynamics… I bet you learned so much about yourself and the people in your life!
This one was spot on.….I probably resort to #5 more quickly than I should sometimes! Everybody is worth some effort.…probably the most challenging ones are often in need of more effort, not less, but sometimes it’s just easier to go right on to #5! Will work on that!
Oh, that’s a great point Joanne! I can definitely relate to jumping to #5 at times without trying the gentler options first. Thanks for sharing that insight! And good luck playing with these tools!
Hi Joy—I thought this was great! I think that the assumption of the inherant goodness of everyone is so important! And something I always try to do is to imagine who the person was as a little child. I know that children are so sensitive and that people are hurt in a lot of different ways as children. Many of the hurts are inflicted unawarely or unintentionally and manifest in various ways in the adult personality. It gives me greater sympathy for the person who is acting in some way that is upsetting or annoying to me. Love you, Joy!
Oh, I LOVE this strategy, Jean! Thank you so much for sharing! This is actually something I use for offering grace to myself (more on that next week), but I don’t know if I’ve ever thought of it as a tool to use for other people. Excellent!
Love to you!
Great video Joy! So I have a question — what do you do when reach the end of your rope and you can’t pull back to give the relationship more space? I recently finalized my divorce, and although I am COMPLETELY blessed by having my little boy, his presence means that I must be in frequent contact with his father. Any suggestions in this case? I don’t know if you have any book/article suggestions, but I am open to anything! I really want to be able to offer grace, but this particular situation is proving especially difficult. Thanks Joy!
Allison´s last [type] ..Can’t stop the rain
Hey Allison! Just based on what you’ve shared here, I can tell this is a complex, multi-layered issue — probably much more to explore than what I can give you in a single response.
That said, my hunch would be that working with your emotions — deeply honoring your sadness, anger, fear, etc. in relationship to this major life transition — will need to happen BEFORE there’s any room for true grace. Or maybe I should say that this is the way to begin creating the space for grace. I highly recommend Karla McLaren’s work. She has a fabulous book called The Language of Emotions you might check out if this suggestion resonates for you. Best of luck on your path!
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