Wanna learn some fascinating things about yourself?
Start paying careful attention every time you use the phrase "I don't know."
Here are a few things to consider:
- Are you being honest? In other words, do you really not know, or are you afraid to say what you know?
- Do you use the phrase more often when you're speaking about facts or about opinions?
- Do you use the phrase more often around certain people (or in certain circumstances) than others?
- Are there times when it feels really positive and empowering to say you don't know? And are there times when it feels negative and disempowering? What seems to make the difference?
In today's Spark, I'm sharing a lesson I've learned about this seemingly innocent little phrase that I think might help you keep the door open to self discovery. Enjoy!
July 11, 2011 from Monday Morning Spark on Vimeo.
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Thankyou so much for this. I was also taught in a job in the past to add the … let me find out for you… when I did not know the answer to a question being asked of me. Over time I have forgotten this. I also found it interesting to think about the different times I say this and I think I will try to take notice of this and record in my journal. Thanks again for sharing, Wendy
You’re so welcome! I hope you discover some really interesting things as you turn up your awareness.
A lot of times we are feeling things that we really don’t want to feel or deal with, so we tell ourselves “I don’t know what I am feeling”. It is hard to dig into those feelings alone, sometimes, so I think having a non-judgemental buddy to be with you as you confront scary or sad feelings is one way to make the process a lot easier and maybe even do-able. Works for me, anyway.
I like it, Jean! Absolutely. Great suggestion.
I have been saying “I don’t know” quite a bit lately.… more often with opinions. Not because I don’t want to say what I am feeling, but I honestly don’t know, and need time to think & process & can’t do it in that very moment.
That makes total sense! What a great thing to be aware of.
Perhaps I have made “I don’t know” to be my catch all phrase. It becomes a habit and I also find myself using it in general conversation. I could be talking about making jam and catch myself saying,“I don’t know.” Sort of like when we say, “go figure!” Or, “there you have it!” But I must be honest with myself and admit that there are other times when I use the phrase as an easy way to mask or ignore what I know deep inside. I’ll try to be more aware of when I make the statement and check myself. Do I truly NOT know?!! Thanks, Joy.
I know what you mean about using it as a catch phrase. It’s almost like saying “um” isn’t it? I find myself doing the same thing.
Good luck with turning up the awareness. It’ll be interesting to see what you discover!
When my dad interviews people for his company, he says that he values and respects people that say “I Don’t Know” rather than make something up to make themselves sound better.
Honesty is key!
I also love “let me find out!” I’m going to start using that asap!
Honesty is key for sure! And have fun using “let me find out.” I hope it yields some good stuff for you!
Thanks Joy,
I’ve just been exploring how to help my daughter with this very thing and telling her things such as, “No, you do know.” This of course was feeling totally off to me because not only was she feeling disempowered already but then I was heaping on that she was wrong too.
I was trying to help her tap into the fact that she does have knowledge that she has not been tapping into. Your follow up phrase is the key.
Oooh! Cool! I love the idea of you trying this out with your daughter. Would love to hear how it goes!
This is so brilliant (and so Blue Belt*). I’ve been noticing when I say, “I don’t care” or “It doesn’t matter”…I’ve noticed similar feelings of empowering and easeful in some situations and ikky and disempowering in others. Rock on, my sistah.
*in which we avoid using the words “try,” “hard,” and “because” given that they tend to be used without thinking, without precision and as an excuse.
Oooh… “I don’t care” is another really juicy phrase I’m gonna start being aware of. Love it! (And I love hearing that this sort of awareness of language is a focus in the Blue Belt. How COOL!)
This is such valuable information. I learned it a year ago when I started the now-notorious job-from-hell. The boss was very difficult and the lady who handed over to me advised me to never say “I don’t know” to him. The better option was always to say, “Let me look it up/find out/add it up/work it out and get back to you”. It has taught me a lot about being on the spot — I can now deftly and safely defer my answer in just about any situation and often I avoid conflict this way by not reacting until I have gained detachment.
As for finding out what I like and don’t like, I am really opening the door to finding out at the moment,
Oooh, not the most fun environment for learning that lesson, eh? But good for you for taking something positive from it! It really is true that some of the most powerful lessons come from trying circumstances.
And I love this wording: “not reacting until I have gained detachment.” YES!