What do you do when you're just not feeling it? Like when it's time to cook dinner, but you just don't want to cook? Or you have a dryer filled with clothes and you have zero desire to fold them? Or you have a deadline at work but can't find the inspiration to finish the project? Or you know you should respond to that email from your Aunt Sue, but you keep avoiding it?
My old approach in such situations was to power through. I believed life was full of "have tos" and if I didn't feel like accomplishing those required tasks, that was just too darn bad. I would push, force, and beat myself up all along the way. Usually the jobs got done, with the major consequence of leaving me tired, cranky, and resentful. I checked off the things on my to-do list, but I wasn't happy.
Nowadays, I'm usually able to do something quite different - something that would have seemed absolutely insane to me before. When I'm not feeling it, I don't do it.
And then, while I'm not doing it, I find out why I'm resistant to the task at hand. Sometimes, I find out my resistance is coming from crappy, limiting beliefs. In that case, I use my self-coaching skills to dissolve the limiting beliefs. Once the junky thoughts are out of my way, I'm able to complete the task with ease and joy.
And then other times, I realize my resistance is a big old red flag signaling me that the task doesn't belong on my to-do list at all. In that case, I drop the task. Forget about it. Ditch it.
So, the next time you're just not feeling it, try this simple process:
1. Stop.
2. Find out why.
3. If limiting beliefs surface, question and replace them.
4. If the task just feels plain icky and is not aligned with your life's purpose, ditch it.
5. Repeat often.
If you liked this, you may also like:
- [Monday Morning Spark] When You’re Feeling Stuck… We all have that icky, miserable feeling of being stuck...
- Are You Limiting Yourself With If-Then Thinking? Check out this video I made for you about one of...
- Gossip Steals Joy — Part 1 “If you can’t say anything nice, come sit by me.”...
- Ten Insights on Feeling Your Feelings In 2010 I learned what it really means to “feel my...
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
I like this thought, giving myself permission to take the time to think about why I don’t want to do something. Instead of not doing the thing,berating myself the whole time, and then eventually forcing myself to do it at the last minute. Which is unproductive and does not help me in the future.
Your posts always make me think.
Kristine´s last [type] ..Doggie Bloggies
Hey Kristine! Yep — I know that pattern you speak of so very well.
I am totally resistant to the task of folding clothes!
On a more serious level though, I think this kind of introspection has been really powerful for me when it came to my career and I could really stop and ask myself what my resistance to getting up and going to work was. It wasn’t about being overextended or lazy — there was something about it not resonating with me or fueling me forward.
Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul´s last [type] ..Interview — Ron Saxen on Binge Eating Disorder Part II
Hey there, Ashley! I know, I just folded clothes and there are more on the way… I am not made for travel. Too much laundry!
So cool to hear you’ve used this sort of approach to keep your career aligned and passion-filled!
I’ve been reading a great book recently, and the author mentioned “giving up the word should.” It was a brilliantly simple concept. I should do that…
Ha! You are so right, though. “Should” (along with have to, must, gotta, etc.) are totally disempowering. I invite myself daily keep my language free of those ugly words.
I needed this post today
Here I am, sitting at my desk, procrastinating doing this work project that I actually had nightmares about last night!
I know exactly why I don’t want to do it — but for now it seems I’m still stuck just doing it. I think sometimes the best part is just knowing that it is actually a choice we can make if we want.
Elle´s last [type] ..Fashion Friday Night
Hey Elle! How nice to see your lovely face over here.
I totally agree with you that recognizing the power of choice is key. It changes everything, doesn’t it? It takes us out of that victim mode.
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Joy Tanksley, Elle, Jean P, Ami Kim, Joy Tanksley and others. Joy Tanksley said: What do you do when you’re just not feeling it? (new blog post) http://ow.ly/34iLj […]
So Joy, would you give an example of a limiting belief scenario? Just walk me through what you’re experience is… ‘Cause I’m “not feelin’ it” about making dinner and folding laundry and responding to that email, like, all the flippin time.
Susan– that makes two of us…alllllll the flipping time
DeAnne´s last [type] ..The Zen Oxymoron of Perfection
HA! Yeah, I hear you. Okay, so just today I was dealing with the laundry thing… feeling VERY resistant. So, I gave myself permission to not do the laundry (which felt a totally scary because I had a suitcase full of dirty clothes and I’m going out of town again tomorrow). When I asked myself why I felt so resistant, I discovered that I’m feeling overwhelmed about traveling again after just getting back in town. I’m tired. Actually, I’m exhausted. What I really wanted to do was rest. The limiting belief was, “I don’t have time to rest” which made me feel very resentful and put-upon in regards to the laundry.
Once I questioned that belief (is it true that I don’t have time to rest?) and looked at my day with fresh eyes, I realized that I could pretty easily find time to rest. I got in bed with my dogs for about an hour… and then I finished the laundry without inner turmoil or drama.
Hmmmm give myself permission to not do stuff to figure out why I dont want to? what an interesting thought. have to think about that one, maybe while I’m doing laundry tonight.……
You are too funny! Yes, contemplate that while you do the laundry tonight. And while you’re at it, can you fold this last load of towels for me?
I also have learned not to do it. There is very little in my life that truly needs to be done RIGHT NOW no matter what. I don’t necessarily think my way through it, although your suggestions are excellent. I just know I’ll get to it when I get to it .… or I won’t
This is so seriously not the gal I was even a year ago, but I sure am a more relaxed gal.
Eliza´s last [type] ..Look Younger And Sizes Smaller
A toast to living life more relaxed!
If I take this approach to doing stuff, I might be able to hang up the old whip!
Now, that would be very freeing.
Oh yeah, baby! Hang it up!
I love this post Joy! I was always a schedule oriented person. Everything had to be done on time, same time every week etc… Four years ago my son took his life and since that day I have done nothing on time. I am even right on time for appointments or five minutes late, unheard of in my before loss life. I was always early. Ben’s death taught me what is truly important in life and it’s not folding the cloths, cleaning the house or keeping to a routine. I still do all those things but, when I feel like it. What’s important to me now is much different from before. Family, friends and living my best life now is what I focus on.
Thanks for the reminder that it’s ok to do things on my schedule.
Peace—Annette
Oh, Annette, I am so thankful to have your beautiful voice here. I hope everyone will read your comment and see the amazing truth. Hugs to you.
Thanks—I appreciate the hugs.
Annette@alifeafterloss.blogspot.com´s last [type] ..ALL CLEAR– FeedMedic Alert for ALifeAfterLoss
I absolutely identify with the I am not feeling it phrase… We are soooo lazy sometimes! I tend to just get over it though and not care! Maybe that is a typical guy thing to do though
Mark Kearney | Loaded London´s last [type] ..Good times! -
I don’t know about it being a typical guy thing… I’d have to think about that a bit more. I know quite a few men who fall into the same trap I mentioned here of procrastination and then beating themselves up.
I have just found that guys (including myself) are just so lazy sometimes. Like even at school, i am a teacher and the girls always work harder than the boys… anyway something to chew on
Mark Kearney | Loaded London´s last [type] ..Good times! -
Ha ha! What grade do you teach? I taught 8th grade for 9 years.
I teach anywhere between Yr10-13 and have been teaching for 5 years now.
Mark Kearney | Loaded London´s last [type] ..How much are you worth
Wow…
You make it sound so simple.
And I guess it is!
xoxo
Erica Lee´s last [type] ..24– Things I’ve Learned & Goals I Have
Simple? Yes. Easy? Not so much.
XO to you!
Good advice Joy … except that stopping could lead simply to putting off the evil deed until “manana”. As long as it is definitely replaced by investigating the “why”, then I can see it’s a good strategy. But if it just means I can spend an hour longer wasting time, then it could backfire. I guess this is where the discipline kicks in.
Hey there! So… the coach part of me must ask: What if you DID put off the task? And what if you kept putting it off and never did it? We have so much fear surrounding our procrastination and I think it’s helpful to really see what that fear is all about at the core. Does this make sense? In my experience it usually comes down to some sort of limiting belief about needing control or not being accepted or worthy.
At the end of the day, there aren’t any tasks in this world that we have to do. It’s all choice. I’ve found that I don’t have much use for discipline anymore. I can simply trust myself to do the good, important things and let the other stuff go.
Hi Joy, yes I see your point, and agree with you about choices. But for me, if I DID put off the task, I might lose a client! So I would have to be very careful as to which tasks I procrastinated over and analyzed, and which I decided I just have to get on and do them.
I’m a great believer in walking away and clearing my head. Taking my dogs for a walk or squeezing in a power nap usually always removes the “dread” I’m feeling about a task. Sometimes I think we all forget that our brains and bodies need a rest and a chance to rejuvenate.
Well said, Karen. You are so right. We just push, push, push and totally forget to rest.