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Have you ever asked yourself that question? When I was in the throes of my battle with food and weight, I asked it all the time. It seemed to me that a normal person wouldn't eat food out of the garbage can. A normal person wouldn't grab at the fat around her stomach so hard she leaves marks. A normal person wouldn't keep eating even when she felt like her stomach would explode. These behaviors seemed shameful and out of control. So, I thought there was something horribly wrong with me.
My guess is that you've wondered what's wrong with you, too. Maybe you aren't able to fall asleep at night. Maybe you've lost your job. Maybe your home is terribly cluttered. Or maybe you can't commit to a long-term relationship. Whatever the case may be, I want to encourage you begin noticing every time you ask that question.
The question, "What's wrong with me?" is indicative of a crippling belief system, a deep-seeted fear, that you are terribly, hopelessly screwed up. It's an evil, counter-productive, and downright mean question. Every time you ask that question, you focus your energy on pure negativity. And you stall out your potential to heal. The next time the question forms in your brain, view it as a signal that you are hurting, you have some unmet needs, and see if you can meet yourself with compassion.
This past Monday, I slept until 10:30 AM. I'm typically an early-to-bed, early-to-rise kind of gal, so this was quite a shock to me. After stumbling out of bed and lounging on the couch for a couple of hours, I felt sleepy again. I went down for a nap at 12:30 and didn't wake until 4:00. At several points, I caught myself asking, "What's wrong with me?" When I noticed the question, I took a deep breath and decided to trust my body's request for sleep. The truth is that nothing was wrong with me. I was just exhausted from an intense ending to my school year followed up by a high-energy family vacation. I woke up on Tuesday morning feeling rested and recharged.
Is it possible that the only thing that is wrong with any of us is that we believe something is wrong with us? What if we started asking better questions? Here are a few for us all to try:
What is right with me?
How can I take care of myself in this moment?
What do I need right now?
How can I expand my compassion?
What is the kindest choice I can make?
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Very good advice. Mindset is a powerful thing and we all need to be easier on ourselves.
Indeed. Thanks for commenting!
This is such truth. If you ask a lousy and loaded question, you will get a lousy and nasty answer that will keep you feeling really bad about yourself. I heard this first from good ‘ole Tony Robbins—-“The quality of your life is determined by the quality of the questions you ask yourself.”
I have made a commitment to never feel bad about myself again. Of course, this is a hard one for an aging woman in this culture where old women are not visible and not valued. I am doing MUCH better with it than I ever used to, but, I do cast a critical eye in the mirror and cringe if the light is not flattering . This really is a tough one because all my friends who can afford to are getting eye lifts, neck lifts, lazer skin treatments, vein work, etc. I do feel a little left out!
On the other hand, I know the inner work I have done to uncover and develop a person I really like. So , maybe I need a new bag of questions.
You rock, Jean. No matter what our circumstances, age or otherwise, we can always find plenty of reasons to hate ourselves if that’s the path we want to take. Your commitment to never feel bad about yourself again is so fabulous. Cause we actually have a choice in the matter, don’t we? Love you!
Joy: I love the way you turn around a bad question and make it a good question.
We ARE so hard on ourselves, but it’s hard not to be when we’re bombarded with images and suggestions that perfection, beauty, success and wealth are “easy” to achieve, so long as you are virtuous and hard working — i.e., deserving. Maybe the answer is to turn off the images and suggestions (i.e., disconnect the tv, internet, glossy magazines) or at least choose to limit our exposure. Instead of passively receiving these messages of inadequacy, we can choose to broadcast our own messages. If we did, what would our message be?
ami´s last [type] ..How to Say No – and Succeed – in a Yes Culture
Hey Ami! Oh, I love this line from your comment, “Instead of passively receiving these messages of inadequacy, we can choose to broadcast our own messages.” ROCK ON!
I have been asking myself that question repeatedly for over a week now. Circumstances in my life suddenly changed and every last glimmer of hope I had in something was completely destroyed. However, my answer keeps coming up the same. NOTHING. There is nothing wrong with me. Absolutely nothing. But yet the question is still surfaces. I find myself feeling normal things, grief, betrayal, tremendous hurt and pain. I have been physically sick to my stomach and can’t sleep. None of it being my fault. I was the victim here and yet I still feel horrible. So when I ask myself What is wrong with me? Why do I keep asking myself this question? Why do you feel like there is even when you know there isn’t? Why do you have to constantly do battle with this negative demon? I am grateful that at this point in my life I know there is nothing wrong with me. Took me a long time to get here. In this particular instance I realize that asking myself what is wrong with me, is just me trying very hard to beat myself up and be hard on myself because that is my ‘knee-jerk’ reaction. I am vulnerable right now, and ol dhabits die hard. I have gotten better at not beating myself up, and not confusing grief for guilt. These last few days it has been very difficult and I am not always winning the battle. I am allowing myself to feel every emotion, and processing it. I am determined to win this fight, and hopefully take away a valuable lesson with me.
Hey honey. I’m sorry to hear you are wading through some very real pain in your life right now. There is so much in what you said, though, that sounds really positive. You are feeling your feelings. You are noticing the unhelpful thoughts and choosing not to believe them. You are giving yourself permission to hurt. WOW. You rock.
Major, major, major love to you, Michelle. I think you’ve already won.
Hi Joy,
I love your questions at the end. I agree with you totally! I think that when we ask ourselves questions like, “What’s wrong with me?” that it stems from a negative thought or fear that we have deep on the inside. Instead we should ask those better questions like what’s right with me, what do I need, etc. Thank you so much for sharing and by the way, we all need one of those days to recoup. There’s nothing wrong with sleeping in and taking a nap in the middle of the day!
Jarrod — Inspirational Words´s last [type] ..Post It On Your Bathroom Mirror!
Thanks, Jarrod! You always give me warm fuzzies.
This really got me thinking. I ask myself “What’s wrong w/ me?” at least 3-4x a day, even when nothing is really wrong at all. As soon as I start to feel a little “different” than I had before (more tired, more negative, etc.) I start to question myself & what’s wrong w/ me…which it seems only leads to intensify the “wrong” emotion I was already feeling. It’s a weird concept, but I guess drawing attention to something– & deeming it “wrong” — just makes it worse.
BTW, I think your parents named you perfectly!
ERICA! What fun to see you here! Much love to you!
[…] My favorite quirky chick is Zooey Deschanel (LOVE the bangs!), what about you? ♥ Joy asks: What’s Wrong With Me? only to discover: absolutely nothing. (Oh, while you’re there, check out Honor Your Essence, […]