If you haven't been following this three-part series on handling unhelpful thoughts, you may want to begin by checking out my two previous posts on this subject:
Step 1: Watch your thoughts
Step 2: Question your thoughts
Today, I am sharing step 3, which is to recreate your thoughts.
Recreating your thoughts is not about seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. It's not about putting a naive, happy-go-lucky, and falsely positive spin on things. Rather, it's about digging past the lies that are floating around in your brain and discovering a more authentic, truthful way of viewing your circumstances.
Let's say you have been watching your thoughts (step 1) and have noticed you continually think the thought, "I can't do anything right." After questioning the thought (step 2), you see that this is not 100% true. You, in fact, do many things right. In the questioning process, you also pushed yourself to define the word "right" and you realized that you are holding yourself to an unrealistic standard of perfection.
Now, it's time to recreate the thought (step 3). Think of the thought as a piece of clay. Smash it down into a formless lump, and rebuild it into something beautiful, empowering, and honest. Step 3 works best when you actually write out your recreations. Be willing to brainstorm without judgement and try several variations on a new thought. Below are some possible recreations for "I can't do anything right."
- I don't have to do anything right.
- I only need to be myself; that is always right.
- I am succeeding in the things that truly matter.
After you've taken a few creative passes at the thought, look over your list and see which one resonates with you the most. Which one feels the most authentic? Write your new thought down in a prominent place and deliberately think it several times each day.
Just because you develop a new thought doesn't mean the old thought completely disappears. Maybe over time you will totally dissolve the old thought, but it's possible that it will always be with you. That's okay. The goal isn't that you never think unhelpful thoughts anymore. The goal is that you no longer believe them.
If you are serious about incorporating this type of thought work into your life, I strongly suggest Byron Katie's beautiful method of inquiry, called "The Work". You can click here for a worksheet that takes you through her process.
I have changed my life in the most incredible ways by simply working with my thoughts. I know many of you have experienced this in your own lives, and I would love to hear about your experiences. For anyone who is just beginning this process, I welcome your questions. Feel free to make a comment below or contact me.
P.S. Don't forget that I'm doing a MUSIC GIVEAWAY tomorrow! Don't miss it!
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Wow, Joy. I read through this worksheet, reading the examples (Paul), and this one jumped out and popped me on the head:
(In my head, am I playing over and over again Paul’s shouting? Who’s more merciful, Paul who shouted once, or me who replayed it a 100 times?)
Hmmmm … a closer look is warranted …
OOOOH! YES! It’s such a shift, isn’t it? I’ve had many moments using this process (which is my primary method for questioning my thoughts) when I’ve thought, “Whoa. Look at what I’ve been doing to myself and all along blaming someone or something else for my suffering.”
Hi Joy,
I love your interpretation of step #3. I’ve read Byron Katie’s writing, but somehow I just “got” it with your clay metaphor–thank you!
Wow, you’re welcome! I’m so glad that helped!