photo courtesy of Marco Bellucci (click for link)
Welcome to part two of a three-part series on thoughts. Chances are, your thoughts are keeping you blocked from a great deal of joy. Last week, I shared the foundational skill of watching your thoughts. Now, it's time to question them.
Let's get the juices flowing with three quotes I absolutey love on this subject:
- "What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so." - Mark Twain
- "Sometimes our thoughts act like dream glasses... Without knowing it, we are coloring everything, putting our spin on it all." - Jon Kabat-Zinn
- "I love my thoughts. I'm just not tempted to believe them." - Byron Katie
The fact of the matter is that many (maybe most) of our thoughts are lies. And lies are brilliant joy stealers. Here are a few examples of false thoughts that you might currently believe:
- I have to clean my house.
- My boss/spouse/weight/ingrown toenail is ruining my life.
- I will never achieve my dreams.
- Once I fall in love/win the lottery/buy a teacup pig I will be happy.
- I'm a loser.
Any of these sound familiar? Are you already feeling a little angry at me because you are certain that one of the above statements is true? Take a deep breath and keep reading, because the work of questioning thoughts has the potential to tear down walls that are causing you pain, and swing the door wide open to a more abundant life.
Any thought that is bringing you pain should be questioned. If the thought triggers a negative feeling, write it down. I suggest you keep a notebook just for this.
Once you've identified a joy-stealing thought, use one or more of the questions below to begin looking at it more deeply. Do this with a sense of curiosity and compassion.
- Does this thought bring me joy? Why or why not?
- Is this thought based in fear or love? How do I know?
- Is this thought bringing me closer to my life's purpose? How do I know?
- Does God think this is true? Why or why not?
- Do I really believe this? If not, what do I really believe?
- Is this 100% true? Which part seems true? Which part doesn't? Why?
- Could I prove this? Why or why not?
I find it works best if I either write out my answers or talk through them with someone I trust (and who can remain objective). The mind is just too tricky to simply "think" about your answers, especially when you are just starting.
Next week, I'll share the third and final step, so come on back for that. In the meantime, I would love to hear some of your no good, joy-stealing thoughts. Share them in the comments, and we'll all feel a little less crazy!
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This is great stuff, Joy! I’m printing this out to use. What you said about asking yourself if this is coming from fear or love really resonates with me. Seems like a good point to ‘arrest’ our fears, and keep them from stopping us from doing things we might try otherwise …
Thanks! The fear/love thing has been HUGE for me. Once I started thinking about this, it has changed my perspective on so many things.
At the risk of getting ‘religious’ here, it almost seems like what Jesus was trying to do–get the people to go from fear-based reasoning to doing thing in and with love …
OOOH! You know I LOVE this.
It would be great to get a little wiggle room between myself and those thoughts. I have been aware of how much fear-bases thoughts put a damper on everything—–sort of the old “Yes, but—-” mentality. I think that if I can cover all the bases of the awful things that COULD happen, then I won’t be blind-sided and I can be ready for whatever is coming. I think I learned early –on that you had better be on guard—–not the most fertile ground for joy to take root and grow. So I do have some work to do. Your check list is great—–will use it! And the truth is, you can fix up the whole house, get everything clean and straight except for the one closet that you shove everything into—–and God comes in the back door and finds that closet and pokes around in it. Nothing ever is how you think it will be, life is nothing but one surprise after another. Let’s go after these thought/weeds!
Well said! GO, JEAN, GO!
Joy, You are fast! I just wanted to say that I just wrote out all the thought checkers by hand because it made me REALLY look at them which I don’t always do if I just print stuff out—-I know that about myself. At least I had one really good look at them and hope I will get them in my head so I can use them on the-the-run! Thanks!
You’re welcome! For me, it helps to have one question that I use as sort of a mantra. I really like this question: “Does this feel like love”? It’s easy to get overwhelmed with too many questions!
Love this topic! Personally, when I started following and examining my thoughts instead of just accepting them as fact, I was amazed by how much I learned about myself. The thoughts themselves weren’t true, but where they came from, how I interpreted them and how I choose to apply them in my life were all too true. Unfortunately, those tended to be the negative and demoralizing thoughts, not the positive, self-loving kind — talk about HUGE joy-stealers! Those negative, or painful, thoughts belong on paper, not as living, breathing, walking parts of our beautiful selves.
One of my favorite quotes on this topic, “The truth of who you are cannot be thought, because it is the source of all thoughts. The truth of who you are cannot be named or defined.” — Gangaji
Awesome, Melissa. I love the quote. Love it!
Hi there! I found you over at Joy Rebel. I’m so glad to have stumbled across this post today (or to have been led to it). I’m in the midst of many new ventures in my personal and professional life, and it’s so tempting to get sidetracked by joy-stealers (what if this doesn’t work out? what if I fail? what if I’m not good enough?).
I already KNOW that I’m on a path that I love. I just have to trust that, and realize that the results are a moot point–I am doing what I am meant to do, but that doesn’t mean the end result will look anything like how I picture it! And that’s okay. Maybe success can be defined by different terms.
Anyway, thank you! I will work on this.
.-= Amanda Fall´s last blog ..Mindfulness & The Creative Playground: Spotlight Saturday =-.
Welcome, Amanda! I hear you about the evil “what ifs.” Trust the path of love, baby. Awesome.
By the way, I checked out your Etsy stuff and it is GORGEOUS.
HEY EVERYBODY — look at Amanda’s gorgeous handmade journals and more!
http://www.etsy.com/shop/persistentgreen
(and, um, if you’re looking to buy me a gift…you know… just sayin’…)
Aww, you just made my day! Thank you for the smiles.
.-= Amanda Fall´s last blog ..Mindfulness & The Creative Playground: Spotlight Saturday =-.
I absolutely love Byron Katie’s “The Work,” when it comes to questioning thoughts. I was introduced to her last year and my gosh, suddenly it’s as if all the really sticky thoughts that used to trip me up became powerless in the wake of inquiry.
GREAT post, Joy, and yes, thought is the only thing keeping us from experiencing joy! Truly, truly… Amen!
Blessings for a beautiful Wednesday!
.-= Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s last blog ..Being Open To The Moments =-.
Katie’s questions just cut right to the heart of it, don’t they? The Work has helped me smash so many limiting beliefs.
A beautiful Wednesday to you, too!